A Tidy Wanker
by David Heulfryn

 

I came out of the bathroom carrying my neatly folded clothes under my arm and walked naked into our bedroom. Max was sitting up in bed, his duvet crumpled in his lap, exposing his smooth chest and small dark red nipples.

His jaw slackened as he saw my naked body. “So you’ve done it then?”

“Yep.” I beamed a wide grin at him. I could hear Max fidget as he lay down and pulled his duvet up to cover his chest. I put my clothes on my desk, turned off the light and got into bed.

It was Sunday night, and we had not spoken last night. We could generally go to bed when we wanted at the weekend, but we had a very strict bedtime during the week. I was asleep when Max came in last night. He’d been at a friend’s house and didn’t come home until late. But without Max in the house, it gave me a chance to talk with my mum.

Max asked what had happened.

Mum was in the kitchen preparing dinner, and Dad was in the living room watching football on television. Max had gone to rugby practice and said he would be at his friend’s house and would be back late. This was when I got my chance to ask my mother.

“Mum?” I began.

“Yes, dear?” She said dismissively as she stirred a saucepan on the hob.

“Would you mind if I slept naked sometimes?” That made her drop everything and give me her full attention.

She wanted to know why and I had to come up with some reason. I should have been more prepared with a reason other than “it makes me feel good and makes my balls tingle”. So I played for time. Then I told her how I would sometimes get hot, and one night I took off my pyjamas and slept much better.

Mum called for Dad, and he reluctantly came into the kitchen, pulling him away from the football match. She told him what I’d asked. Mum’s next question surprised me.

“Have you started playing with yourself, Finn?” She asked, and I noticed my dad rolling his eyes.

I wanted to play stupid, so I asked, “What do you mean, like I did when I was younger, with my toys?”

Mum frowned, and Dad chipped in. “No, Finn. Have you started playing with your thing… your willie?”

“No!” I laughed. “Why would I? I only touch it when I go to the toilet.”

They agreed, reluctantly, to me sleeping naked. But they did have something to say about it. Dad said that it would stop if I caused my mum more washing. “It’s easier to wash a pair of pyjamas than a set of bedclothes.”

Then Dad said something that surprised me. “We know your brother plays with himself. But he’s very tidy with it. He never leaves a mess or stains. If you start dirtying your bedclothes, then it’ll stop. We might even make you wear nappies.” Dad joked.

Mum also chipped in. “But if Max objects or feels uncomfortable with it, then you need to respect his feelings and stop. It’s his bedroom too.”

 

I said that I would never make a mess in my bedclothes or make Max feel awkward and gave both my parents a quick hug. “Leave Max to me. Let me talk to him, and he’ll be fine.” I noticed Mum give me a quizzical look, “but if he isn’t, I won’t do it.” I added, then ran upstairs, feeling very excited. I stopped on the landing and, now they were alone, listened to what my parents said

“He’s growing up, Love.” My dad said.

“I know. I wonder what Max will think?”

Max was quiet as I told him what had happened. “So what do you think?” I asked him.

“I can’t believe they think I ‘play with myself’. I never leave a mess, so how would they know. Oh, hell, why did you tell me that? I’ll never be able to look them in the eye again.”

“Don’t be silly,” I told him. I lied to try and make him feel better. “I don’t think they actually know. I got the impression they were guessing.”

“Good, I’m always so careful,” Max admitted.

“Anyway, stop fixating on them, knowing you play with your willie. What are you going to say when they ask about me sleeping naked. They are bound to, you know.”

Max thought a moment. “I suppose I’d say I don’t mind. I’ll say you’ve been very discreet about it.”

I laughed. “Discreet. I’ll be walking around our bedroom stark-bollock-naked. You’ll probably get to see my little willie every day. I hope you don’t mind?”

“I won’t be looking.” Max sighed. “Just because you’re naked doesn’t mean I’ll be ogling your body. I’ll just carry on doing what I’m doing and leave you be.”

“Like playing with yourself,” I said.

“Only in your dreams, Min,” Max said and threw his pillow at me. I felt it hit my body.

“Thanks, Max. I’ve always wanted another pillow.” I shoved his pillow under my head. “This feels much better.”

“Quit messing around. Throw it back.” Max said.

“On one condition.” I felt naughty. “Only if you sleep naked again tonight.”

“No fucking way! Just throw it back.”

“You know my condition.” I teased.

Max whined. “Come on, Min. Chuck it back over here. Stop messing about.”

“No,” I said petulantly.

“Please,” Max begged. “Just throw it back.”

I refused and lay smiling at Max’s growing frustration.

“You asked for it.” Max sounded angry.

Before I knew what was happening, Max had jumped out of bed and grabbed a pillow from behind my head. I scrambled to get hold of it to stop him from stealing it back. But Max was too quick and was back in his bed before I could put up a struggle.

“You’re no fun.” I pouted.

“And you’re a little brat.” Max shot back.

We both lay silent. I sensed Max was annoyed as I heard his breath, strong and deliberate.

“Max?” I whispered. “I don’t mean to annoy you. We used to have fun together and tease each other. You’ve done things to me, and I just laugh it off. You’re getting so serious all the time, at least at home.”

Max sighed, “I’m not a little kid anymore, Min. You still treat me like a little kid. Mum and Dad treat me like a little kid. I’m growing up, my mates treat me like mates, and they don’t make me feel like a little kid.”

“Okay, Max.” I felt sorry for him. It really seemed to bother him.

I seemed to have touched a nerve as he started to open up. “Everything is a joke to them. Even masturbation. To them, I’m a little kid who plays with himself. They obviously don’t see me as growing up. I just play with my winkie. They make me go to bed early. What fifteen-year-old kid goes to bed at nine? My mates can stay up till ten. They want to know where I’m going all the time and what I’m doing. I just feel like they want to control my life.” Max sniffed.

I was going to contradict him and say he was nearly fifteen and his birthday was in a couple of months, but he sounded upset, so I left that be. I felt the urge to hug him and try to make him feel better, but I decided that hugging him naked may make him feel worse.

“I’m sorry, Max,” I said softly. “I promise not to tease you anymore. We can be more like friends than brothers that annoy each other. I don’t want to be that brother. I want to be the brother you need.”

“Oh, fuck, Min.” Max sniffed, and I heard him get up and come over to me. He leant down and started to hug me. I wrapped my arms around his bare back and felt some stray tears dampen my shoulder.

“You’re the only brother I want, Min. You’re the best. I don’t want you to change, not for me.” Max gritted his teeth. “It’s just these fucking hormones. I get angry sometimes at nothing, and the stupidest things suddenly upset me. I get horny at anything. Yesterday I got an erection just picking up a fork. There’s nothing sexy about a fork?”

We both chuckled, and Max released me. I looked back. The room was dark but I could see he was looking intently at my face. Our eyes stared into each others. At that moment, we were connected, and I felt his pain.

Max broke eye contact and shuffled back to his bed.

“Are you alright, Max?” I asked.

“I will be.” He sighed. “I’m just….” Max paused. “I don’t know….”

“What is it? Has something happened? You’ve not split up with your girlfriend, have you?”

“No, but I think I might have to.”

“Why? Have you had a fight? You were both alright last week. Did you argue this weekend?” I asked.

“No, nothing like that. I didn’t see her this weekend. But I did see James.” Max admitted.

I had to think for a moment. Max expected that name to mean something; for the moment, I had forgotten who he was. Then it dawned on me. “James. That boy you touched in the showers after rugby?”

“Yep,” Max said.

I knew I had to wheedle the information out of him. He was starting to clam up. “You can tell me, you know. I won’t tell anyone, and definitely not Mum and Dad. They’re very uptight. You should have seen their faces when I asked if I could sleep naked. They never really talk about sex, not if they can help it. They never talked to us about it. We had to learn it all in school. And their lessons are crap. At least you have some mates who you can talk to. Mine have no idea, either. I do wonder how they managed to have two kids.”

I heard Max chuckle.

“So what happened with James. Did you touch him again, or did you get him to touch you?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m still trying to work things out myself.” Max said.

“Please talk to me, Max. It might help. We’re always being told that talking helps.” I hoped he would open up to me. Whatever was going through his head was worrying him.

Max turned over in bed, and I sensed he was looking over at me. “James and I… well I asked him…”

“Did he touch your cock, Max? Did you enjoy it?” I wanted him to tell me.

“Yes. It felt good, better than when Jane touched me. He stroked me, and I came within seconds. It was so embarrassing, but James was fine about it. He made me feel it was okay. That’s all that happened.” Max admitted.

“But you were with him for hours. What happened afterwards?”

“We talked, well he mostly talked. He knew I was so nervous and didn’t know what to do. He’s a year older than me. He told me he was gay but was still in the closet. He admitted he fancied me and said that I blushed so red. He said I looked cute. He made me feel so good and wanted. Jane never makes me feel wanted. I told him he could trust me, and I wouldn’t tell anybody.” Max lifted his head and glared over at me, “So you better not say anything. If you do, he’ll never trust me again, and I don’t know how the team will react if they ever find out.”

“I wouldn’t. I swear.” I said seriously. “What about you? Did you tell him anything? How you feel?”

“Not really,” Max said. “I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know if it’s just a reaction to him touching me or if I really feel anything for him.”

“But you admit it felt better when he touched you than your girlfriend.”

“I know,” Max sighed. “That’s what doing my head in. Is it just him, or would I feel the same if another boy touched me?”

“Max.” I spoke firmly, “Lie back, close your eyes and think. Do you feel attracted to James?”

“I don’t know,” Max stated.

“Do you feel attracted to Jane?”

“Sort of.”

“Have you ever felt attracted to another boy?”

“Not really. You know, I’ve looked at other boys, but that’s just to compare.”

I recalled our conversation about checking boys out in the shower quite differently, but now wasn’t the time to confront him. I took a softer path. “I think you should get to know James better. I don’t care if you like him in that way. You need to get your head sorted. There’s nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual. You could be either. Also…”

Max cut in. “What the hell is going on here? My little brother is giving me relationship advice. If it was true, it’d be funny.” We both laughed. “How come you make sense, even though you’re only twelve?”

“Nearly thirteen,” I protested.

“What else were you going to say?” Max asked.

“I think you need to be more open, emotionally and physically. You need to embrace yourself and feel proud. Next time you have a shower, just stand for a few minutes looking at your body in the mirror and open your mind. Take a few deep breaths and be honest with yourself. Only think positively. What do you like about your body? What do you like about your personality? Then think about what you like in others. Nothing sexy. Just what you like about them.”

“Fucking hell, Min. I didn’t expect you to give me homework.” Max laughed.

“I’ll start, Max, and tell you what I like about you. One physical thing and one personality thing.”

“Here goes. You like my arse. That’s why you enjoyed slapping it.”

I chuckled, “No, Max. I like your smile. When you’re happy, it really shows in your smile, and just looking at your smile has always made me feel better.” I paused, but Max stayed quiet. “And I like how sensitive you are. You really care about people. You really care about me.”

We were silent a while before Max whispered, “Thanks.”

I suddenly got excited. “Do me!”

“Calm down, and let me think.” Max pondered what he liked about me. “Now, don’t take this the wrong way. I know you’re growing up, but I love the way you react to things like a little kid. You find new situations exciting rather than scary. I sometimes wish I could be a little more like you.”

“That’s so sweet.”

“I’m tired, Min. Can we go to sleep now?”

“Okay. I love you, Max.”

“I love you, Min.”

 

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